A lifelong dog lover and Dear Abby fan,
Elayne has decided to combine her two passions; loving animals,
and butting into other people's business.
Questions for No Bones? Please email Elayne with any and all pet related questions. Answers will appear in this
regular online column chock full of advice, sharing, caring and laughs. |
Dear Elayne,
Any new years resolutions for pets?
Guy L., Duarte
Dear Guy,
What a bubbly question! For pets or by pets? By pets would be my
dogs resolving to learn how to use the can opener, open the fridge,
and of course like everyone, quit smoking. There are many
resolutions we all could make for pets:
License them. Licensing fees support the shelters, animal control,
make it possible for your pet to be returned to you, and of course
the licensing fee has been rolled back by the new governor of
California. Okay, that's the car registration fee. But now you'll
have money to license your dog!
Spay and neuter. Spaying and neutering keeps you out of trouble if
you've had too much to drink and wake up in a strange bedroom… oops.
Spay and neuter your pets. It prevents certain cancers, keeps them
closer to home, prevents pet overpopulation, and keeps them out of
trouble if they have too much to drink..oops.
Have your pet join a gym. Heck, he'll probably go as often as you
do.
Rescue. Love. Volunteer. Donate. Educate. Play. Teach. All
self-explanatory. And make sure to register your pet to vote. It's
the only way they're going to get a voice in government. Happy new
year!
Dear Elayne,
I have a beautiful black Lab, like you do, and he is getting gray
around his chin and lips. Is there a safe hair dye for dogs? Would
it be okay to color it back to black?
Carolyn F., Deerfield Beach, Fl
Dear Carolyn,
I cannot believe that question did not come from California. While
liposuction, botox, collagen, eye lifts, tummy tucks, face lifts and
dermabrasion have all been approved for dogs, alas, there is still
no really good hair coloring that looks completely natural. WHAT ARE
YOU, NUTS? Ya think he's making you look older? Just do what I do,
tell people you had him when you were really young.
Dear Elayne,
I bought one of those automatic water bowls for my dogs. The large
plastic drum of water (like a water cooler) sits inverted on top and
refills the water bowl when necessary. It was fifty dollars, but I
thought well worth it, and I was glad my dogs wouldn't be out of
water all the time. Well, the first time my dog Bootsy went to get a
drink, air displaced the water in the bottle and the bottle made a
large bubble and a loud burping noise (like a glug), and she ran all
the way across the yard. Now she won't go near it, she's so afraid.
How can I get her to drink from it?
Joyce S., Encino
First of all, if she's scared by glug burps, keep her away from
college campuses, sporting events, and supermodels. She should give
the water cooler a second chance, where else will she and your other
dogs talk about tv shows they saw the night before? Empty all the
water out of the bottle and put it back empty so there's no chance
of a burp. Start feeding Bootsy from the water bowl. Put in her
favorite foods if she is reluctant at first. Feed her all her meals
out of that bowl for a few days, until she forgets she was afraid.
When she is eating out of the bowl with no fear, refill the water
bottle and try again. It will burp but she may be used to the bowl
by then. The only way to prevent the water glugging is to either
find a way to put a valve in the bottle, that you leave open when it
is filled and in use, or make a small hole in the bottle for air
displacement. However, that will mean you have to plug the hole
every time you lift the bottle to refill it. Or maybe she'll just
get used to the burps, as women have for centuries.
Dear Elayne,
What is your opinion of dog shows, like the ones on tv?
Arlene S., Michigan
Dear Arlene,
I think you're being too hard on the networks. There are a few good
shows on tv.
Dear Elayne,
It is definitely the tundra out here in Pennsylvania this winter.
Haven't seen this much snow since we were kids. Well, a man was
arrested for letting his chained Beagle freeze to death outside. A
neighbor of his reported him to the town animal control officer who
found the dog frozen to the ground. He could get a year in jail. He
probably won't. Why are these animal cruelty laws so light?
Vince S., Pennsylvania
Dear Vince,
I am so sorry for the poor beagle. I wish the neighbor had run out
and taken her/him inside before going to the phone. At least she got
involved. People need to be more alert, more involved in how others
treat animals, and more vocal in their communities in favor of
strict penalties enforced against animal abusers. At least you live
in a city that has a one year possible sentence on the books; many
states have weaker animal abuse laws, and those that have them
rarely enforce the penalties. The HSUS has definitive proof that
abusing animals is the first sign of a sociopath who may well grow
up to abuse, torture and kill humans. So, for the safety of all
living beings in your community, demand your representatives take
animal abuse seriously. It is not something kids "grow out of", but
rather, into, if there is no intervention. Forgive me for hoping
that former Beagle owner gets locked out of his house during the
next big snow storm.
Dear Elayne,
I have two rescued cats from the pound, and I believe in rescue, but
I was in a pet store to buy cat food and I saw a little dog and I
bought her. I feel awful about doing that. I know how many orphaned
animals are waiting for homes. I already love her but I feel
terrible.
Elizabeth B., Las Vegas
Dear Elizabeth,
Good!
Dear Elayne,
I was just watching the big dog show on tv. Loved it. I've heard you
say you don't like dog shows. What's wrong with them? The dogs
looked happy, they seem like natural performers.
Arlen S., San Clemente
Dear Arlen,
While dogs love tasks and performing work they were born for, the
"big dog shows" have reduced competitions to only the bathing suit
portion of the Miss America pageant. Because the standards of breed
"beauty" are man made, by out of shape people in purple polyester
dresses yet, dogs are constantly inbred to achieve a "certain look",
ie; Boxers with smaller jowls, German Shepherds with lower hips.
That is why Shepherds have hip dysplasia, Boxers get cancer, etc.
etc. Inbreeding, and arbitrary standards of appearance set by the
AKC, have destroyed the hardiness of breeds, shortened their
lifespans, and led to a weak and sick dog population. Nobody should
play God, especially someone who didn't win the popular vote (sorry,
I digress). Give me a hardy mutt with one floppy ear and a bent
tail, and I'll have a dog that lives fourteen years, can read, and
never has so much as a cold.
Dear Elayne,
We have a gorgeous Airedale who is about a year and a half. We're
going to start showing her and breeding her, like we did with our
previous Airedale. The problem is that she digs up all the
sprinklers, all the time! She is not happy unless she comes in the
house with a length of pipe in her mouth. We can't replace them fast
enough. What is going on?
p.s. I am a pharmacist. Is there something I could give her?
Jon, Studio City
Dear Jon,
It's totally simple. She just needs to be spayed. Happy gardening!
Dear Elayne,
I have two Shelties, and just rescued a Chihuahua, who is a mess.
Julio is terrified of everything, pees at the slightest noise or
movement. It's very trying as my other dogs are so assimilated. It's
tough on my home and on me. I feel like I made a mistake. Would it
be terrible not to keep him?
Julia M., Sherman Oaks
Dear Julia,
It's wonderful that you rescued Julio. You didn't say how long you
have had him, but I have to tell you, if you can hang in there I can
guarantee you will see results. Most rescued animals take some work,
some more than others. Think of battle veterans who still have
flashbacks twenty years later. Sometimes you rescue an animal who
has had just a terrible life, and it takes time for him to calm
down, trust, and relax. Though my rescued Boxer Shnuffy arrived
socialized, it wasn't until a year had passed that his personality
really started to come through. I had just assumed he was a bit
removed, but after he began to trust and relax, his incredible
bubbly nature and personality burst through. He is an entirely
different dog than he was a year ago; confident, playful, loving.
You will be well rewarded if you can just hang in there. It may cost
you an area rug, but it will be worth it. How much can a Chihuahua
pee anyway? Just think of it as dating a man who recently went
through a really bad divorce. He'll come around.
Dear Elayne,
What did you think of the Janet Jackson Superbowl "costume
malfunction"?
Brad, Ga
Dear Brad,
Sorry, did I miss something?
Dear Elayne,
This week in Ohio, during a major snowstorm (I fell and tore my knee on
the ice, when I went to the emergency room, one hundred people were there
for falls), our newspaper printed an article on the "safe ways" to
keep dogs outside during winter. This was along with a letter from a woman
who had written to say she keeps her "rescued" dogs outside as "watch
dogs", in these arctic conditions. Here is my letter to the editor
of that paper. Please print it for your other readers who are experiencing
a cruel winter:
I just want to point out a few things. First and most importantly, I have
worked with several animal rescue groups and NOT ONE would allow
a person to adopt if they were going to keep the pet outdoors. That is
the policy of real rescue groups. Pets are meant to be pets. If you want
an alarm system buy a siren.
My indoor dogs are very aware on what is going on outside. They just
enjoy relaxing on sofas instead of straw. Before anyone keeps a
dog outside in winter, I would suggest that person, in just a simple coat,
spend twenty four hours in a dog house lying immobile on straw to see
if they stay comfortably warm. Also, no books or tv's allowed. You must
live as the dog lives. Sounds pretty boring, huh? Dogs are domesticated
and meant to be treated as pets. Or why bother having a dog at all? Rescued
dogs have already suffered enough and deserve all the pampering a person
can possibly provide. Ohio doesn't do nearly what other states do to protect
pets. I hope one day to be part of a movement that forces Ohio to get
a little animal compassion.
Ruthie A., Ohio
Dear Ruthie,
Well said, see above letter about the poor beagle to see the results of
leaving any dog outside for any length of time in this weather. I can tell
you, if I was a dog left outside in this weather, I'd hold a flashlight
for the guy breaking in to rob the person who put me out there. My dogs
protect me inside my house, because they are so happy there, they don't
want anyone coming in to do harm to the woman who feeds them, loves them,
and lets them hold the remote. And they certainly don't want anyone coming
in during the night who might be there to steal their cookies or change
their situation. If you heard my guys barking from inside the house, you
would just keep walking. Here's my advice to anyone who wants to rob a house
with dogs outside: Bring some wonderful fresh cooked steak, feed and pet
those tied up freezing dogs, rob the idiot inside, come out and take the
dogs home with you. Love them and feed them and let them live inside with
you, and they will protect you very well.
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