| Dear Elayne,
I have a standard poodle who is absolutely gorgeous, yet still thinks
she is five pounds overweight. Anything you can suggest to boost her
self esteem?
Adele Wilson, Canoga Park
Dear Adele,
For starters, stop calling her standard. Take a cue from the fashion
industry; she's a superstandard poodle. When poodles think they are
fat, it's probably because they've been hanging out with Afghans.
Vary your walking routine, make sure she passes some neutered labs
every day. But most importantly, let her know that beauty comes from
within, and all the apricot rinses and pom poms in the world aren't
as important as a dewy gaze straight from the heart. (I'm talking
to you.) And turn off the MTV. P.S. - I know neutering doesn't cause
weight gain, it's the beer.
Dear Elayne
I have a recently rescued boxer who escapes all the time. He can jump
straight up from the ground, over seven feet is no problem. What can
I do?
Chris Travis, Miami Florida
Dear Chris,
Enter him in the NBA draft. Okay, since he is new to your home, he
should eventually decide he wants to stay there. You can a) improve
your cooking (seven feet! What did you give him for dinner last night?).
b) Let him have the remote sometimes too. c) Get rid of any paintings
on velvet you may own (we don't know for sure if they see color or
not). But for right now, according to our resident expert Trainer
Sandy, a covered dog run is the way to go.
Dear Elayne,
I have been a boxer owner and lover all my life, but with my new rescued
boxer Duke I feel totally gypped. He doesn't drool. I cannot tell
you how upsetting this is to me. It's like a Shar Pei with Joan Rivers'
face lift, it's unnatural. How can he not drool? How will I know when
he's hot? When he's hungry? When he's awake? What are they doing to
this breed? What's next, collies that don't shed?
Steve Gerbson, Sherman Oaks, CA
Dear Steve,
I hear ya. Ever since the EPA got involved with emissions standards,
catalytic converters, and the ozone layer, boxers have been drooling
less. One of the great taxpayer joys has again been ruined by the
government. My suggestion? Rescue an older model, pre government regulations.
An older boxer makes a wonderful pet. They are trained, sweet, loving,
GRATEFUL, and they really know all the classic boxer charms.
Dear Elayne,
My Rhodesian Ridgeback, Molly, has just noticed that she is ridgeless.
She knows I adopted her knowing that, but she has become introverted
and withdrawn. I try to tell her that her ridge is on the inside.
Barbara Davilman, Hollywood
Dear Barbara,
And indeed it is. Tell Molly that girls develop at different rates
and the boys will be humping her…um…dipping her pigtails
in the inkwell in no time! Tell her the magical Christmas Story of
Molly the Ridgeless Ridgeback who helped guide Santa's sleigh one
foggy night. I see you live in Hollywood. Well, if she simply cannot
live without a ridge, I will ask Pamela Anderson for a referral.
Dear Elayne,
Do you think a boxer will ever be president?
Bill Siddons, Saskatoon
Dear Bill,
Yes I do. Probably before a woman. And it will be the first President
of the United States who ever actually took care of business on the
White House Lawn.
Dear Elayne,
I think I saw a boxer the other day, but she was white! Could that
have been a boxer?
Linda Saltzman, Alpharetta, Georgia
Dear Linda,
What's a Jew doing in Alpharetta Georgia? (Okay, no letters!) Yes,
white boxers are beautiful, sweet boxers who as a rule had been put
down by breeders simply for being white, or having too much white.
Unbelievable, isn't it? We are rescuing more and more from the pound
these days in the nick of time, and they have proven to be happy,
sweet, wonderful boxers in every way. Plus, they don't show dirt as
much!!
Dear Elayne,
I have a beautiful two year old male boxer, and want to breed him.
He is really beautiful and I would like to have about ten litters
to sell. How do I go about this?
Dear H.S., N.Y.C.
That sounds wonderful!! Many people make breeding mistakes, as there
is so much mis-information out there. Thank God you wrote to me first.
Here's what to do. Take your beautiful doggie to your vet, tell him
you want your dog "fixed". See? You leave him there, they
"fix" him, you come back later and pick him up and you'll
have a brand new "fixed" dog and off you go!!
Good luck and let us hear from you again!
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